Night's Aphrodisiac
by AnnaChase
Summary: We all know Tom Riddle does not know or understand love. But does that mean he has never had something that came close to it? Someone who, in the end, managed to turn him all the more evil in a way you will not foresee? Read&Review!
1. Chapter 1

**Night's Aphrodisiac**

**1. A New Friend**

I remember clearly the first time he came to me. It was in my period of deep grief, where I had learned to dissociate myself from the gossiping voices around me. At a very early age already, the age of sixteen, I had learned that nothing in the world would ever remain the same. I had seen my once so perfect, happy life shatter in a thousand pieces, never to be mended fully again. In mere weeks I had lost my parents, and my grief for them let to my friends dropping me as if I were a stranger instead of a girl they had known for five years. I suppose this showed they had never been my friends after all, but that did not make it hurt any less.

Until that dreadful day I had grown up in a warm, loving family. My parents, William and Lorraine Foxworth, were purebloods and had raised their children according to those ideals. They weren't extremists, though, not like some parents of the children I went to school with. My brother had been born in the second year of their marriage: Julian Alexander Foxworth. Eight years later I followed: Evita Isabella Foxworth. Eva, for short. There was quite a big age difference between us, but my parents had always made sure to let me know I had been a very welcome surprise, instead of 'the accident' that Julian sometimes called me to tease me.

My father had a job at the Ministry of Magic, in the Department of Magical Maladies. When I was little, mother was home with me, but by the time I went to Hogwarts she got a job as a secretary, also at the Ministry. My parents certainly had not been the kind of people that let nannies raise their children, and despite having inherited quite a lot from my grandparents, they worked hard for their money. And then a disaster took place. In those days there were a lot of critical responds against the government and the minister of magic, so an attack could not be avoided no matter how high the security precautions were. There were always people smarter, more talented than all that. And that was how my parents died. In an explosion, a magical bomb made by rebelling muggleborns who felt threatened and discriminated by the government. My mother and father had not even supported those extremists in the government. They did believe muggleborns should remain living in their own world, the one without magic, but pestering them and killing them even, like some did they found unnecessary to say the least. So they had been punished for something they hadn't even done, hadn't even supported. It still struck me as unfair every day.

I was lucky Julian was prepared to look after me, or I would have had to go to an orphanage; we didn't have much other family. No one we knew well enough to take care of a young girl, anyway. My brother did his best, despite his own grief, to help me with mine and get me back into the real world. Even though he wasn't perfect, I found he did well and sacrificed a lot for my sake. He gave up his own house, the buying of which he had celebrated and stated once as his 'freedom', the way all young mature people once do, and instead moved back into the house of our parents to take care of me when I was home for the holidays. When I was, he would make sure he never worked late too often and there would always be at least one healthy cooked meal a day. At first I was too blinded by my own pain to realise this, but I soon learned to appreciate my brother, and I began to see him differently. He was no longer _just _my brother; he grew to be my only family, my only friend: my everything. Until _he _came along.

It was on a dark October night of our sixth year. Outside there was a heavy thunderstorm going on, the flashes of lightning illuminating even the darkest corners of the castle, and the sound of the thunder appearing to the naïve students as the howling of a hungry, dangerous animal. The storm didn't bother me much, though, and I was reading in the library for a paper we would have to do for Potions soon, when suddenly a tall appearance standing before me cast a shadow over the book laying on the table in front of me. Of course I recognised him. Everyone knew this handsome, charming and talented young man to be Tom Riddle. I, even in my dissociated position knew how he charmed the teachers and impressed them with his want to learn, to possess all the knowledge they could give him. What was he doing here with me? Not that I had given him much thought, but I had always expected him to spend his free hours with one of the many girls from our House that adored him, because there were many of them. The Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and even the Gryffindor girls stared at him too, though perhaps with a little more distance than the Slytherins, but nevertheless this showed that he could take his pick out of the pretty, bright ones. I considered myself neither. I wasn't very pretty anymore. I suppose I had been nice to look at a while ago, before I started to spend night after night crying my eyes out in bed and skipping meals so I didn't have to face my old friends. Bright I certainly wasn't anymore. I heard rumours about myself. People said I was depressed and used spells to damage myself. All lies, but clearly that was the view people had of you when it took you longer than three weeks to get over the loss of both your parents. So why did Tom Riddle come to see me, a few minutes before curfew, alone in the library? Or was I overestimating the situation and did he merely come to the library for himself?

"You're Eva" was the first thing he said to me. "Eva Foxworth". It didn't even sound like a question, and I wondered why he cared at all.

"Yes" I said then, unsure how to behave myself. I certainly wasn't going to behave like all these childish girls that clearly seemed to think boys appreciated it when you stared at them and giggled in pairs or small groups when they passed. "Yes I am" I repeated. "Why?"

"Why aren't you in your dormitory? The library's almost closing". I wasn't sure whether to reply or not; after he'd said it he walked away to the bookcases and didn't give me the impression that he expected a reply. Until he turned around and watched me questioningly. "Well?"

I could see how he could make people feel uncomfortable, with his confidant way of speaking and behaving. He appeared so perfect it underlined everyone else's imperfections. I could feel it too, but I had long since stopped caring about my imperfections. What did it matter if your hair shone brightly or was curly when you didn't have your parents anymore? Such problems I had once had, but they seemed so tiny and of no importance any longer at this point.

"I'll head to my dormitory once the library closes. I'm not afraid of the storm or the dark" I replied, continuing to read. I could feel his eyes on me for a while, could still feel them even when I heard him asking Madam Pince for a certain book from the Restricted Section. It was odd to hear the usually so strict librarian agree to let Tom get a book about the Dark Arts, immediately believing his excuse that it was for a topic he wanted to examine so he would already know about it next year during his NEWTs. Apparently he could truly charm everyone.

Before I had the chance to ban his little visit from my mind, he was in front of me again.

"I'm going to walk you back to your dormitory" he announced. It wasn't even a question.

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow and silently dared him to do it, to force his company upon me. Though perhaps he knew that I wanted him to walk with me… He said nothing anymore, just stood there calm and confidant, clearly convinced of the fact that I would indeed come with him. In the end I did: I collected my books and let him carry them for me. He was quite the charmer, I had to admit.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked when we made our way back to the Slytherin common room through deserted corridors.

"I've never talked to you before" Tom replied. "And I wanted to see if you were like them, or if you were different. Of course I already knew you were different, but I had to see it for myself".

"Oh…". I wondered what he meant with different, though I could of course guess already. For most of my classmates _different _would be an euphemistic word to describe me. They preferred _freak _or something along those lines. At least Tom Riddle was polite. Did he really think of me the same way as all the others did? Something felt different… I didn't feel threatened or worried as we walked through the castle together, eventually standing still in front of the door that would lead to the girls dormitories. I had lost a lot of things in my life, but I had not yet lost hope.

"I'd like you to go into Hogsmeade with me this weekend" he said, just as I had expected him to leave and consider this a one-time thing. His interest in me made me smile; or was he just being nice? Did he pity me? I certainly did not want pity. Not his, not anyone's. However, Tom appeared to have a way with words that made you do as he said. He didn't question or ask, he stated. In a way, it was rather annoying, but at the moment I did not care. What I cared about was that I may have found a new friend. And that thrilled me so much I was able to look past his bad characteristics; after all, didn't everyone have those?

"I'd like to go into Hogsmeade with you, Tom" I replied, though I was sure my answer didn't make a lot of difference to his plans, even if I had said no. He had decided, so it would happen. I had learned to know that side of him already.

For the first time in a long while when I changed into my pyjama's and got into bed that night, I did not cry. I did not feel unhappy or ignored or stepped on. Of course I did still miss my parents, but I knew now that I had to go on, and that I could. I felt I was worth being here, living. Who thought a simple conversation and the prospect of a date with a handsome young man could do all that? However, it was only natural. I may be an orphan, but I was also still a teenage girl of sixteen years old, ready for some romance or at least a new friend who didn't consider me a freak merely because I was grieving for what had been the two most important people in my life. I closed my eyes an prepared myself for the first happy dream since the last summer.


	2. A Lonely Christmas

**2. A Lonely Christmas**

Saturday approached not nearly as fast as I would have liked it to. For the first time since the death of my parents early last summer, I felt like a normal girl again. I secretly read _Witch Weekly _in History of Magic, pondered about what to wear and tried things with my hair. When the day of my 'date' with Tom Riddle was there at last, I was nervous and could hardly eat during breakfast. I had doubts again, and wondered if this was not after all a 'charity project' of his. It might very well be. If only I had someone to talk to about it. A friend. Friends were nowhere in sight, however, and I had to occupy myself until it was time to meet Tom. When it was, I found he looked handsome as ever, waiting for me at the end of the hall.

"Hello Eva, you look wonderful" he greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. If this were a charity project certainly he wouldn't do that? I saw to my greatest surprise that he had brought me a red rose, which I gladly accepted. Did he know that was my favourite flower, or had it been a mere guess? A lucky guess, that's what it was for sure.

"Hello Tom. Thank you, this is wonderful". I put the rose in my bag in a way that would make sure it remained intact, and followed Tom outside. People were staring at us, as I had imagined. People always stared at Tom for his good looks, and they stared at me this year too. Not for my good looks, but to check if I behaved stranger than usual now that I was an orphan.

I'm not sure what I had imagined of our date, but I suppose it was rather a lot. I had expected something very blissful. Happy chatter and jokes, and more silly things I would never dare to speak out loud. Reality was different. Tom turned out to be very quiet and seemed to prefer observing over talking himself. He wanted to know everything about me, but when it came to talking about himself I noticed he was slightly reluctant; he told no more than strictly necessary to answer a question.

"Tell me about yourself" he said after we had walked in silence for a while. Not the most uncomfortable silence.

"What would you like to know?"

"Anything. Where you were born, your family, your blood line…"

"My blood line?". I wondered if he was one of those extremists that put great importance into whether someone was Pureblood or not, and what I would do if he was. Whether I would care at all.

"Yes, your blood line.". Tom gave me one of his most charming smiles, and I would be lying if I said it did nothing to me. I felt flattened that the smile was for me, just for me, while there were so many girls prettier than me he could smile at.

"Well" I replied thoughtfully, "I'm Pureblood. I am in Slytherin, after all". I was known to always consider my words carefully to everyone. Now as well, and I did not see how my words could have been harmful; though there was a harsh look on Tom's face I did not recognise after I had said it.

"There are half-bloods in Slytherin". His voice sounded different too. Strained, if anything. Was he half-blood? I had no problem with that if he were.

"Of course there are, Tom. I didn't… I didn't mean anything with that".

Tom nodded, his expression normal again, though I would not soon forget the look he had just given me. It told me that behind that charming, well-mannered attitude of his, there was a temper. One that I had not yet seen and certainly would not like to see. I started to see proof today that confirmed my suspicions: there was a lot more to Tom Riddle than what met the eye.

"Now, tell me about your parents" he continued. "Your family. What are they like?" That hurt. I thought everyone knew what had happened to them. It wasn't pleasant to have people talking about me behind my back, but at least it saved me from having to explain all the time what had happened before the school holidays last year.

"Don't you listen to the gossip?" Every time I was reminded of my parents' death I felt a fresh stab at my heart. Even after six months the grief was still too new, too vulnerable, to allow me to think of my parents with a smile. Perhaps one day I would be able to have peace with their dead and remember _them _instead of the way they were murdered.

"I have more useful ways of spending my time than to listen to idiots who have nothing more to do than talk of _other _people." Tom was just what I needed: delightfully different, just as I was no longer normal either. All that had happened had changed me from an innocent child into an adult who had seen a deeply rotten side of the world. It had aged my mind twenty years. Perhaps that was why my old friends didn't like me anymore, because I had outgrown them. That was understandable. I was so different to them now. They had not experienced what I had, they still lived thinking life would be good for them. I could see in Tom's eyes he too knew that different side of the world. A side that was not nearly always kind to everyone.

"My parents are dead" I responded quietly. It sounded awful when I put it like that, but how else could I put it? The outcome would always be the same no matter how euphemistic I spoke of what had been done to the two people I had loved the most of all.

Tom looked at me with what I regarded as renewed interest. "I didn't know that" he said. "When did it happen?' Not a single word of compassion, no pity, nothing. I had had enough of all that already at my parents' funeral and from the neighbours, anyway. It felt good to for once not be treated as an outcast or a freak. Even so, Julian had once explained me, when I grew tired of our nosy neighbours, that it was only human to show compassion of some kind when someone you knew had lost a dear one. So did Tom's respond show a lack of humanity or did he truly know what I needed? Either way, like this it was easier to talk about it. I didn't feel like a sad, pitiful girl because Tom didn't let me be. This was good; now I could talk about this as Eva.

"They died last school year, just before the summer holidays. There was an attack at the ministry. They both worked there". I stared at the floor helplessly, but at least I wasn't crying now.

"What caused the attack?". Tom still sounded as if he were having a conversation about the weather.

"Muggleborns unhappy with some of the political views some ministry workers had on them" I responded sadly, twisting my bracelet around my wrist; fidgeting was always something I did when I felt uncomfortable or not at ease in some way.

"I'm sorry they had to die that way" he said at last; was it an attempt at pity now? He seemed interested that their death had been caused by an accident led on by political disruption. Was he as interested in politics as I had once been? Ever since I was a little girl I had heard my parents discuss politics at the dinner table, my brother usually joining them. When I grew older, into my adolescence period, I finally started to understand their discussions, and I became interested as well. But after their death, I had considered politics to be a sick and twisted little game that no one should ever get involved in.

"I'm sorry too" I said somewhat bitterly to Tom, forgetting that I wanted him to like me. He seemed to bring out the teenage girl in me that had been hidden by a wall of grief.

"You may not see it now, or not even have opened your mind to it, but some day, some day the people that did this will pay for it. All the Mudbloods and Muggles will wish they were never born and we shall live in a world where those with the eldest and wisest blood will rule!"

I had never heard Tom talk like that, and in a way I was impressed by the passionate way he could talk of it. But he also sounded so determined, so almost angry about it. Julian always said that muggleborns should stay on their side of the world, where they grew up, with the muggles. They wouldn't bother us like that and wouldn't _pollute _the wizarding world with their ideas about a 'multicultural' society. He thought we all had to live in peace on the side where we belonged and not mix everything up. But he was against 'muggle pestering' and other such things. Hurting them was not an option, and I shared this view. Tom left me in the dark further with his views and intentions, so I could ponder about it later. He took me to a sweet little tea room, where he paid for both our cups. My earlier worries about him were forgotten, replaced by childish enthusiasm over a crush I was sure rapidly developing.

"I had a great time, Eva" Tom said at the end of our date, right before we entered the Hogwarts castle again. I liked the way he said my name, as if it were something important.

"So did I, Tom, thank you". I smiled, and he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. His lips felt nice on top of mine; soft, but demanding, as I had imagined admittedly quite a few times.

"Do you like me?" I courageously asked when we had broken apart and I trusted my own voice again.

"Would I have gone on a date with you and kissed you if I did not?" he asked rhetorically with one arched eyebrow. I could only raise two at the same time. Yet another thing about him I could admire. Did he even have flaws? He did, he sure did, and I would find out eventually- the hard way.

And then the Christmas holidays arrived. It was the first Christmas without my parents. Julian and I had received numerous invitations from far relatives and friends of our parents, but we had decided we didn't want to spend a whole day smiling and pretending to be happy and grateful while we were crying inside. So we remained at home, where we cooked something very simple, but nice. No traditional Christmas dinner with six courses, but as long as we were happy.

"You have no idea how happy I am to be home". Me and my brother were cutting vegetables for the dinner in the light kitchen of the Foxworth Manor that my parents had named _Lucky Four _a long time ago. Rumour had it that my father had once thought of it after a few glasses too much wine, but the name stuck and now prided on the outside wall.

"Well, I missed you too, little Evita" Julian smiled. "It's good to have you home".

"You should find yourself a girlfriend" I teased. "They're all looking at you, the girls in town. If you didn't work so hard you'd be able to give them a chance. ".

"And what about you if I did? Would you want to share me?". This was our way of being home. We shared jokes and laughter to make up for the emptiness our parents' death had brought upon _Lucky Four. _It did sound sort of hollow, as if the walls told us we'd never be able to fill the emptiness no matter how much we laughed, but it was our way. We did feel happy with each other, though not as happy as we could have been with the four of us. What else could we do than adapt?

After we had put the dinner in the oven Julian and I sat down in the sitting room, him with a glass of wine, me with a pumpkin juice.

"We do need to talk, Eva" he said, suddenly serious. I did not like that look in his eyes; the look he always got when he felt the need to be my father. He wasn't my father, never would be, so I didn't think he had the right to pretend. At the young age I had then I did not see yet that if he didn't play the father over me, who would?

"I've owled with your headmaster a while ago, and he says you're not doing well at school. According to him you dissociate yourself from all of your classmates and refuse to join in social activities. Is that so?"

I looked down somewhat ashamed. One moment I felt as if my brother were my friend, the other moment I felt like a disobedient little girl. He tried to do the best for me, of course, but it was hard to appreciate as a teenager. "I suppose. A little bit".

"Why do you do that?"

I shrugged stubbornly. Didn't want to reply. It was hard to explain. And I didn't dissociate myself from everyone. Not from Tom Riddle.

"It was true at first. They didn't understand me, they didn't like me anymore because I didn't smile as often and wouldn't talk about their stupid little issues." I noticed I still felt angry toward my former friends. They truly had hurt me, as much as I tried to tell myself it did not matter now I was making new friendships.

Julian's arms were around me before I even realised I was crying. "I'm sorry, Eva, I am" he said into my ear, rocking me softly as if I were a small child. "I should have foreseen how cruel children of your age can be, how they refuse to understand people only a tad different than themselves. But you need to go on. I still grieve too, but we need to fit in the world again. "

I knew he was right, of course he was. My brother was seldom wrong, which I hated to admit. "I am trying".

"I know you are, and I'm proud of you for that. Try a little harder every day, can you promise me that? You're still so young, Eva, too young to be alone".

"You're alone". Our eyes, both hazel, met, and looked at each other sadly.

"I'm not alone. I have my colleagues and my friends, and my little Evita" he smiled, pulling me in one last hug before sitting me down on the sofa beside him again. "I'm worried about you so much".

"You don't have to be. Did I tell you that there was someone I like?". We started to set the table for our small Christmas dinner.

"No, but I'm very glad to hear it! Who's the lucky young man?" Julian grinned, wiping away the remainders of my tears.

"I don't think you know him. His name is Tom. Tom Riddle". I couldn't help but smile when I so much as mentioned his name.

"And, is he good for my little sister?"

"Of course. Stop being so overprotective, I'm sixteen remember? Old enough to like a boy". Though somehow I was glad that I was pouring us drinks for dinner, so my brother could not see the blush that had crept up my face.

"Not old enough to like one without your brother's approval" Julian chuckled, our former misery completely forgotten now that we had found something new, something different to talk about. To distract us.

"Why don't you invite him over for dinner some time?"

I frowned and shook my head. Tom was my little secret for now, I didn't want to share him with my brother yet. I feared Tom would then think I wanted things to get 'serious'. Perhaps I did, but I was certainly not sure if he did. It could get painful in case he did not. Best to wait with important matters such as meeting my brother, until I was a little more sure. Surer of the fact, at least, that Julian would like Tom. For some reason about that, I was not so sure.


	3. Secret Future Plans

**Secret Future Plans**

Throughout the rest of our sixth year, Tom and I grew closer every day. We often studied and ate together: I was no longer the freaky loner, and suddenly the girls envied me, for they all wanted Tom Riddle's attentions. But the truth was: I didn't think I had Tom's attention in _that _way. Sure, we spent a lot of time with each other, shared intimate conversations as well as political discussions, but he had never kissed or touched me again after that first date together in Hogsmeade. Still, I was content to have found a new friend after the tragedy I had had to face in the past year, but secretly I had long since fallen for the handsome face and impressive good manners of this intelligent orphan boy. I was starting to believe he just wanted to be friends, though occasionally I caught Tom staring at me intently. Despite that I found myself still much too shy to confess my true feelings for him. This narrowed my options down to waiting patiently. And my patience _was _rewarded, eventually.

It was on an evening before the summer holidays; the days were definitely getting warmer, but evenings were still cold so Tom and I were sitting by the fireplace in the Slytherin common room. We were practically the only ones; most of the students had retreated to their dormitories to pack their trunks for the holidays.

"I've just gotten an owl from Julian" I said. "He wrote to say that if you like you could come and stay with us for the first week of the holidays. If the orphanage allows it, that is". I was very much excited about Tom staying with me and Julian. I longed to show my best friend how I lived and where I had grown up.

"I'd very much like to stay with you. I'll be writing to Mrs. Cole first thing in the morning, but I don't see why it would be a problem; I'm practically of age, I'm only staying at the orphanage until I've graduated here and found a job- so only this summer".

"I hope you and Julian will like each other" I said, frowning lightly. In reality, I was still not so sure of this. I feared that Julian would not be happy with my feelings for Tom after all. He was so overprotective at time, I suspected he wished me to have a more… ordinary man. You could say a lot about Tom, but he was certainly not ordinary.

"I'm certain that will not be a problem" Tom assured me. "As long as your brother is not jealous" he commented with a light grin. I supposed this was his idea of a joke: Tom's sense of humour was not brilliant.

"Why would he have to be jealous?" I inquired casually, though my heart was beating faster.

"Because of what I am to you". I could tell from the look on his face that he was teasing me. I found it odd that no matter what emotion he was trying to get across, his eyes were always the same: ice cold.

"My best friend" it sounded more like a question than a statement.

"Eva" he said quietly. "Is that all I am to you?"

I was aware of the confusion on my face, and my heart rate increased even more. "You confuse me". I cast my eyes down to the floor. There was nothing I wanted more right now than to react to his insinuations, but such things were certainly not suitable for a lady in 1943.

"Eva" Tom said again, even more quiet now, his lips close to my ear. It made me feel quite pleasantly warm inside. "When have you ever known me to rush into things?"

"Never". His lips touched mine, the kiss was as good as the first one, if not even better. It was gently, but still demanding, as Tom could be at times.

Tomorrow morning the Hogwarts express would take all the students home for the summer holidays. I had almost all my things packed, besides my Potions book, which I could not find. I suspected I had left it somewhere with Tom, so I decided to try and find him. When I could not find him in the common room, I went to the next place he was most likely to be: the library. It was quite late, but teachers were not so strict with curfew on the last night before the holidays. Quietly I made my way to the library. When I heard Tom's voice I thought he must be doing some kind of research with one or two of his friends. Judging by the voices I heard it were Avery and Dolohov. I didn't want to disturb them and turned around to go and wait for Tom in the common room, but then I suddenly heard my name. Of course I should have left, but I was only human: my legs refused to take me out of the corridor and I subconsciously inched closer toward the half-open library doors. What I heard greatly startled me.

"I don't understand what you want with that Foxworth girl, Tom" I heard Avery say.

"That is not your business. Have I ever asked you what you want with Olivia Bulstrode?" I could hear all three boys laugh and silently willed them to continue.

"Olivia is mainly for my pleasure" Avery replied. "Are you attracted to Eva?"

"She is very pretty, but a lot more than that. Eva is… different than the other girls- and do _not _hold me a lovesick fool! She is highly intelligent and has true political knowledge".

"But what of our plans?" said the voice I recognised to be Dolohov's.

"_My _plans" Tom said coldly. "I have not yet made a decision about what role Eva will play in them, or in the future, but there is time. For now, she has potential. And my attentions".

I was unsure what to think. Like this it didn't sound as if Tom's feelings for me were true at all. It was like he was merely interested in my capabilities. And what was the plan they spoke of now?

"Now about the plans, for next summer" said Tom.

"Certainly. We and the other guys still intent to give our full devotion to-…" suddenly the conversation grew quiet. I should have suspected something then, but I turned around to leave, worried and confused about what I had just heard. And then I suddenly felt a strong hand on my shoulder.

"Eva". Tom's voice was colder than I had ever heard it. I turned around. His eyes matched his voice. "How long have you been standing there? Have you heard anything?" He had grabbed my upper arm tightly. My eyes had widened in surprise and I started to tremble slightly.

"I… I heard nothing, Tom" I stammered, frightened suddenly of what he could do. "I just g-got here…".

Tom appeared to have lost control of himself, for he grabbed hold of both my arms and shook me. "Do not lie to me, Eva!"

"Stop!" I cried. "You're hurting me!"

This seemed to bring him back to earth, and his face relaxed, softening somewhat. He let go of my arms and instead rested his hand in my neck, his thumb caressing first my jaw line, and then slowly made its way over to stroke that sensitive spot behind my earlobe.

"I do not approve of eavesdropping, my dear"

I sighed softly and involuntarily relaxed against his touches. My eyes fell closed.

"Look at me" came Tom's soft, demanding tone. My eyes flew back open.

"I want you to tell me what you've heard".

Somehow, I just _had_ to obey him. "Not much". My voice had dropped to a whisper, because he was now so close I could feel his warm breath on my face. It made me all dizzy and excited. "Just… just something about a plan".

This wasn't the Tom I knew. I was not truly afraid; I knew he would never really hurt me, but I did feel highly uncomfortable. If only he would move away, to give me some space to think clearly. Then again; that probably was why he did _not _move away.

"Was that all you heard?" Tom had replaced his hand in my neck with his lips, kissing me so that I no longer knew what was right or wrong.

"No" I whispered.

"Tell me". His breath was hot in my ear, and I wondered if he was aware of the fact that he made my heart beat so much faster. I shouldn't have to doubt that at all, of course he was aware.

"I also heard what you said… about me". I thought he must be able to read me like a book. Tom gently but persistently pushed me against the wall; one hand resting on my side, the other caressing my hair.

"My dear Eva" he murmured. "Did I upset you?"

It was impossible to lie to him. "Yes".

Tom's face relaxed into a smile, then. "You know that I find you the most beautiful and sophisticated young woman of Hogwarts, do you not?"

I could not help but smile. Despite my state of discomfort, did not everyone want to hear these words?

"I am preparing some business for next year, after we graduate".

Dumbly, I nodded, unsure of what else to do.

"Some politics. I will tell you more, some day, but now it is late and you must go to bed. Just remember that I was only discussing with the boys whether or not you would be willing and able to participate".

Again, I nodded, indeed longing to go to bed. Blissful forgetfulness in the form of sleep was very welcome.

"Do you trust me, Eva?"

"Yes" I immediately replied, without a trace of doubt. I loved Tom, though I had not told him. Following my reply, he kissed me again; harder than he had ever kissed me before. As if he wanted to convince me like that, unable to see that I did not need convincing anymore. Still, I replied his passionate kisses. When we broke apart, my lips were bruised and I was panting slightly. My face was flushed. Tom seemed as cool and controlled as always. He smiled, clearly satisfied.

"Good night, Eva".

"Good night, Tom, sleep well". I went to bed, in a way feeling relieved, other ways feeling concerned at the other side of Tom Riddle, the side that I did not so much like and somewhat feared, that had surfaced again. My Potions book was completely forgotten, later to be found under my bed. The whole scene had been unnecessary…

"Eva! Eva!" I heard my brother calling before I could make out his face in the crowd at platform 9 ¾. It didn't take me long to find Julian, though, and we embraced each other dearly.

"There you finally are! It's been much too long since the Easter holidays!"

"Oh, I know, I know". I rested my cheek against my brother's and smiled; I felt so safe in his arms, like they would always keep me safe. But there was another man in my life now. I disentangled myself from Julian's hug and stepped back.

"Jul, meet Tom Riddle. Tom, this is my brother Julian". Tom had stood behind me with our trunks, but put them down now and came forward to shake my brother's hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you at last, Mr. Foxworth. Eva has told me a lot about you".

"Good things only, I hope?" Julian joked, sending a grin my way.

"Naturally" Tom said politely, with a straight face, though I could tell already that he was not too fond of Julian and would never be, for reasons I could not explain. After all; there was certainly nothing wrong with Julian? He loved me more than anything. Later on I would find out that this was exactly what bothered Tom so much…

"So what are you planning to do after you graduate next year, Tom?" Julian asked later that week when the three of us were having dinner together. I was very content, for I now had both men whom I very much cared about around me at the same time.

"Well, of course there is still some time to decide, but you are right that it's important to start thinking of such things. There are several fields of employment I am interested in" Tom replied, pausing to eat some more soup.

"Such as?"

"As almost every young man these days, I'm looking into going into business; it's an open field for everyone. Another ambition of mine is to become a teacher at Hogwarts. And then, eventually, politics, one of my most desired fields of interest".

"It certainly sounds like you've given it much thought" Julian replied, though there was a rather dark look upon his face. My brother had hated politics even more than I did since our parents' death. This certainly would not help with liking Tom more.

The three of us shared some more polite conversation and time almost literally flew by.

"I didn't know it was so close to midnight already" said Tom, glancing at his watch and getting up from the sofa in the sitting room we had retreated to after dinner.

"Good night, sir" he nodded at Julian, and then kissed my hand. "Eva".

This left me and my brother alone in the room. Already I could sense that I would not like this conversation.

"What do you think of Tom?" I started the inevitable.

"Well…" Julian started. "He appears to be a very well-mannered and intelligent boy".

"But?" The fact that there was more to it hung heavy in the air.

"I don't know. I'm just having a bad feeling about him".

"Non sense" I said defensively. "Tom is brilliant, and more charming than any boy I have ever met! He likes me for who I am, and he does not treat me like a freak, which everyone else at school does!" Again, there were tears in my eyes. Of course I never wanted to be an emotional wreck, but I hardly ever disagreed with my brother, let alone argued. I always greatly valued his opinion, and the fact that Julian now rather openly disapproved of my first boyfriend, did not make me very much at ease.

"I understand how you feel about him, and why" Julian said softly.

"You can't forbid me to see him!" I shouted. Such behaviour was especially odd for me. I had never been a recalcitrant teenager; always very calm and quiet, devoting most of my time to my studies. Of course, so much had changed throughout the past year.

"I won't forbid you to see him, Evita". Julian was starting to look tired, but my emotions were still beyond my control.

"Good, because you can't! You're not my father, you're no one!". Tears streaming down my face, I left the sitting room and ran up the stairs to my room, where I dropped down on my bed, the satin sheets not at all feeling comforting as usual.

What was going on? Things had changed so drastically in the past year I hardly recognised myself. A little over a year ago, I had been a serious but kind girl with friends. Not the most popular student, I was too preserved for that, but certainly one of the brightest. I got good grades, above average, in most of my subjects. In the ones I was not so good at I still scored mediocre. Teachers had been very fond of me. And now? Now my social status was at point non-exist, I fought with my brother, the only family I had left, and I had a boyfriend whom I secretly feared might be too powerful or dominant for my own good. Why did everything have to change so much? I loved Tom, but in a way I felt I could not truly connect to him, no more than a little bit. But still, I was attracted to him in so many ways, and I had grown to love him. And love was not something that was easy to ignore…


	4. Riddle Manor

**4. Riddle Manor**

Funny how fast time went by, how it could just slip through your fingers without allowing you to hold on to it. That was exactly how I felt now, as I stood by the window sill of my Hogwarts dormitory. It was the end of my seventh year; NEWT exams and graduation was all over. But was I an adult? I knew that at least in some ways I was. After the death of my parents the grief had aged me years, mentally, but in other ways I was still a child. I was still so dependant, for instance. I hated to be alone, always longed to have people around me. Silence frightened me. It made me have thoughts I did not at all want to have. About still uncertain future prospects, about the past… Most people were excited to leave school and start a new, independent life, but I? I wished everything could just remain the same. At least I had Tom, though… Tom, whom I loved so much now. He had asked me to move in with him in _Riddle Manor _. a house that he claimed to have once belonged to his family. He wanted to live there because he said he wanted the people to think of _him _when they looked at that house, and see him there instead of what he considered his pathetic Muggle family. And he needed a house to live in, anyway. I knew, by now, that Tom was half blood. I could not care less. He was still Tom, and that was why I had agreed to move in with him in what I had heard to be a ridiculously large house. Julian had told me he did not like my decision, he thought it would be more appropriate if we married first, like all girls from my year intended to do. Perhaps Jul was right and Tom and I would 'live in sin', but I was only eighteen, I found that a little too young to be Mrs. Riddle. However, I would very much like to live with Tom. After all, Julian was twenty-six now, too young to waste his life living with his little sister. I didn't want him to restrict himself from certain things because of me. And wanting to keep the peace, my brother had agreed in the end, if I promised to visit him very often. As if I could refrain from seeing my only brother!

All my things were packed, and I was excited to start my life with Tom. Only very occasionally he would unnerve me again, with his unpredictable temper and his almost obsessive politics. Like last summer, he would spend days and nights away with his _friends _and he'd act so strange, so secretive once he came back. And if I pushed him to answer my questions, his eyes would light up so strangely. I liked to think I only imagined this. This was all remarkable, yes, but other moments, when we kissed then he'd hold me and tell me all that I longed to hear, then I'd love him so much nothing else mattered. A small smile played across my lips. After all, of all the girls in school I got the most- desired boy of all. The best one. At the time I did not yet know that later, so much later, I would adapt that view…

"Are you ready, Eva?" we stood in the Great Hall, awaiting the carriages pulled by Thestrals, for our last journey with the Hogwarts Express.

"I'm ready" I said vaguely, having already said goodbye last night when I had been unable to sleep. I'd just wandered the castle aimlessly, thinking of how I'd once been so unhappy here. Feeling like such an outsider. But eventually, I had become so happy at Hogwarts; proud of having such a high-flying, adored boyfriend. Who cared if he had a flaw or two? Didn't everyone?

"Come". Tom took my hand, and we left the castle. Forever, in my mind. Once we reached the train we found an empty compartment and sat down. Tom's friends would probably join us soon, but I liked to be alone with him for a minute.

"Will you miss it?" I asked quietly. Of course it was a rhetorical question; Hogwarts had been Tom's first and only real home, he had grown up there. I could only hope our new life in Riddle Manor would make him just as happy.

"Yes, Eva" he replied, and I could see him gazing out of the window. "But perhaps I will come back here some day".

Come back here? Tom had never again mentioned his ambition to become a teacher at Hogwarts, not after the dinner with my brother last year. I'd thought he was merely trying to impress Julian; how awful that I had not recognised it as a true ambition. Shouldn't I, of all people, know Tom's dreams and ambitions? During this time I was only starting to realise that there was so much to Tom Riddle that I did not know, and, once I knew, would never understand.

Riddle Manor was the exact definition of impressive and beautiful. There was something about the old house in Little Hangleton that immediately intrigued me. It stood on a hill, overlooking a graveyard and a church, and was probably about twice the size of _Lucky Four_, where I had grown up. I followed Tom inside, and we put our trunks down in the hallway. The entrance hall itself was already enough to say how expensive and grand the rest would be. There was a mahogany parquet floor and a staircase that I was certain would make me feel like a queen when I would descend it. And then the chandeliers… So sparkling, glittering and adorning I couldn't even begin to estimate of how much value they were. Tom had assured me everything about the house was very old, so perhaps they were antique as well as just beautiful.

"Do you like it?" came Tom's voice from behind me. I found it odd that I noticed now, of all times, just how cold his tone always was, where my own could be so full of passion and emotion. The only time I had heard emotion in Tom's voice was when I had overheard that meeting with his friends in the Hogwarts library a little over a year ago, and that had been anger.

"Certainly. I love it, Tom!" I smiled as we had stood still because I felt the need to turn around again and again and let the feeling that I was now the lady of this wonderful manor overwhelm me. It was true that the place was quite dark, with the graveyard behind it; but didn't a lot of old houses have that?

"Good, but I knew you would, of course". Rather possessively, he put his arm around my waist and took me to see the rest of the house. I was probably most in love with one of the drawing-rooms. There stood a grand piano in the corner, once black but now gray due to a whole load of dust that had appeared throughout the years it had been deserted. Nothing that couldn't be solved with a bit of dusting. In front of the fireplace appeared to be a real Persian rug and along the walls hung several portraits of what I thought would be Tom's muggle ancestors. Their intimidating looks somewhat frightened me, though the portraits were completely still, unlike the enchanted ones we wizards knew.

"And this will be your chambers" Tom announced, guiding me into an, admittedly, gorgeous room. There was so many gold and baroque in the room that it dazzled me. Satin sheets in white and pale gold made you want to sleep a hundred years like Aurora from the Muggle fairy tale even I knew. I had once had an uncle who had been fascinated by all fairy tales, Wizard's or Muggles.

"Mine?" I could not suppress the confusion and disappointment in my voice. It had nothing to do with the room itself, of course, merely with the fact that I had expected to share a room with Tom, now that we were living together. It was true that him and I had never went past kissing, and some stroking and caressing in between, but we shared a house together now! Was that not the start of something more mature?

"Eva, Eva" Tom said with a humourless chuckle, stroking my chin briefly. "Separate bedrooms of a man and woman do not have to mean they lack 'commitment', as you would put it. It merely underlines the fact that all human beings need a certain freedom. Here you can have your own place, decorate it as you wish, and I will have my own chambers in the East wing of the manor. "

His words were clear, I understood, but I did not agree with it. In my opinion, there was nothing more romantic in a relationship than to fall asleep together, even though I had never experienced such a thing. There need not always be lovemaking involved, but the way Tom said it now we would only spend the night together on such an occasion. This completely shattered my idyllic views. For what was more romantic than a man and woman falling asleep together every night, allowing the other to experience their love when he or she was most vulnerable; during the act of sleep?

I knew I could not resist displaying my emotions too clearly. Tom always noticed whatever mood I was in.

"I need a lot of freedom, Eva, you know this" he said. Always when I was upset or disappointed he would step away from me and create distance instead of trying to comfort me like most men would do.

"I do know" I replied softly, though I never understood. To me, there was no better thing than to be surrounded by people who loved you, or just one person as long as there was love. To be alone for a long period of time was torture to me. I was also slightly claustrophobic. "It is a nice room" I said, trying to make it up for my weakness that had showed. Tom considered almost all displays of emotion, besides probably anger, as weakness. He often told me to learn and control myself better.

"I know it is" Tom replied. Taking my remark as an apology for my 'weakness', he took my hand and pulled me closer to him. "Having separate bedrooms does not mean a lack of intimacy, my dear. You are going to live here now, live with me.".

"Yes… "I said, waiting for him to continue. What was he indicating? He pulled me closer, holding me firmly, but not painfully. Just not.

"There is no need for us to refrain from such… intimacies. After all we now live like a married couple" Tom added the last part with some sort of grin; he knew I put value in remaining a virgin till marriage, like all good girls did. It was the way it was supposed to be. But on the other hand… were we not as good as married now? We were living in a house together like a husband and wife did. The only thing lacking was a ring. Did it really matter so much? If Tom didn't think so, he was probably right. He was usually right, I had come to find out.

As Tom kissed me then, I knew that this time it would be different. We were more than merely 'boyfriend and girlfriend' during school years now. Now, we were ready to be lovers.

As I awoke the next morning I felt more like a woman than ever, even though Tom had departed to his own chambers when we had reached the end of our intimacies. I was certainly not happy with it, but it was what I had come to expect from him. I supposed I should be content with the fact that he had wanted to be intimate with me to begin with; Tom Riddle was not the man that liked to show passion or feelings at all.

I had been slightly nervous, admittedly, for making love with Tom at first. I was forever striving for perfection, to please people, so I was terrified of making a mistake, but Tom had been his usual self. Dominant and leading, but I had not minded now. The only pity was that he still liked to avoid all important questions I had tried to ask him. He would not tell me whether or not this had been his first time, he left me to guess about it. Judging by his skill, I would say no, but I also could not think of whom he had been so intimate with before me. Perhaps this would be something I would never know. This was not Tom's only secret, though. The longer I was with Tom, the less I appeared to know about him. He was so secretive. Tonight, however, I was certain had been a turning point. I would not allow him to keep me in the dark about everything he did for much longer, I was as good as his wife now after all. I promised to myself that I would, above all, be the first to truly know and understand Tom Riddle. Little did I know at that point, that this wish of mine would come true, but that it would turn out to be more of a nightmare instead of the dream I had in mind that night…


	5. The Sky Darkens

**5. The Sky Darkens **

I soon learned to love Riddle Manor; what choice did I have? I spent so much time there now I would only make things difficult for myself if I'd hate the place. Of course I had stuck with my first impression that the house was exquisitely beautiful, but in the days that followed I had started to get a slightly foreboding feeling about it I could not explain. I told myself it was ridiculous, and I tried to ignore it for the future, but I could not help but continue to hate the permanent darkness that seemed to hang in the air. As if something awful had taken place here.  
Tom, on the other hand, appeared to love said darkness and had made the Manor entirely his own. Of course, that was easier for him; he had inherited everything here.  
He was planning to leave, I knew, to Albania within a week. I feared being left all alone in here; even for the two of us the place was much too big; an orphanage would fit inside of it. Being alone in the darkness, with its endless corridors and alcoves, frightened me.  
"Eva" . Tom's voice shook me out of my thoughts.  
"Yes dear?" I'd been sitting in front of the fireplace, trying to get warm on the rug with a book I had yet to open. That was another thing about Riddle Manor; it was always cold no matter how often and well you lit the fireplaces. Even now, in summer, you would still freeze there in the evenings. I hoped I would get used to it, eventually, but I had always been one for warmth.  
"I have some friends coming over tonight".  
"All right" I said quietly, running a hand through my hair. What was expected of me now? Tom was always such an indefinable person: never making clear what he expected of me. Today, however, I was spared having to guess about it.  
"I expect you to join us"  
"Join you?" This caught me off guard; he had never asked me to join him and his friends before. I wondered if he would let me in at last.  
"Yes, I believe it is time for you to join me, now that we are living together. " Clearly he was speaking of his politics, the Pureblood politics he had never specifically told me about, despite dropping a hint of what he was doing occasionally. Of course, as a Slytherin and a Foxworth I had always been taught that the Wizard Society should only exist out of witches and wizards who had the purest of blood running through their veins. Muggleborns would never truly fit in, so according to me they ought to stay on their side of the world. So Tom's politics would not bother me so much, if it weren't for me thinking that he did a great deal more to prevent our society from becoming a so-called _salad bowl. _I suspected he knew this bothered me and that he kept me in the dark because of it.  
"Come". He took my arm and pulled me to sit down in his lap in one of the arm chairs. A gesture meant well, I assumed, but he still enclosed his fingers rather tight around my upper arm. It made me wince.  
"Do you know my goal, Eva?" He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, his fingers hovering just over that sensitive spot beneath my earlobe.  
"To become Minister of Magic" I replied lazily, leaning my head against his chest. The response, however, I had not expected. Tom laughed. As always, it was a cold and humourless sound that made me want to cringe.  
"My darling… Once I have finished my plans the Minister of Magic will be useless."  
Evident confusion spread over my face; I could only begin to imagine the things he had in mind, and I would rather not.  
"I want to take full power. Absolute power, reigning over all of those with the Purest blood". His hand circled my lower back as he continued speaking, as if that would make his words sweeter, less radical and easier to accept. "The others will have no rights". To make the effect even less bitter, he chose that moment to press light, seductive kisses right under my ear; something that always weakened my resistance. He always knew all my weaknesses and used them well to his advantage.  
"Tom…" I whispered, trying to let his words sink in. Full power? No rights to the blood traitors and muggleborns? Somewhere in my mind alarm bells started to ring and tried to tell me something was very wrong here, but the way he was kissing me made me blind and deaf. If Tom thought it was good, then surely it would be? If it wasn't, would he have been so popular amongst his teachers, and would he have so many friends?  
"How?" I added, still unable to let my worry go completely. Tom let out another, equally cold, chuckle and shifted me in his lap, cupping my face before kissing me deeply.  
"Silly girl" he muttered against my lips. "Never ask for the how of things. What does it matter? Do you not agree with me that the Wizard Society belongs only to those with the purest blood, like Salazar Slytherin, from whom _I _descend, has meant it?"  
How could I possibly say no to that? And he appeared to mean so well, to really want to create the world the founders of Hogwarts had once started. He descended from Slytherin himself, from the Gaunts! Then surely he would know better than I, who trusted too much on her own, naïve intuition?

"Of course, Tom" I whispered, looking down. I now felt ashamed; how could I have doubted him? He did so much for me; offered me to live with him, helped me with my grief, and now even encouraged me to be politically active. Why couldn't I just let go of my childish naïveté and trust him? However there was a burning question on the tip of my tongue I could no longer ignore.

"What about me?"

"Why, I want you by my side of course".

Cold shivers ran down my back as he said it, making it sound as something so ordinary, so normal that I hardly dared having a different opinion than Tom. I was barely aware of how I looked at that moment; clearly awestruck and not a single sign left of my usually so benevolent smile. My conscience, my brain parts capable of logical thinking were telling me to run away as far as I could and never look back, but just as in the myth from Dante and Eurydice, I could not.

"I hardly think I would be of much use to you" I said quietly, not seeking eye contact. I was afraid I would find cold and endless depth when looking in his eyes. In the beginning I had marveled in the unusual, black colour of them, but now it almost seemed to scare me. It was as if he knew no emotion at all besides the bad ones, that were represented by the colour black.

"And why would you not be?" Tom inquired with an arched eyebrow.

"Because…" I couldn't really reply to the question; I hardly knew what would be expected of me if I were to be 'by his side', as he put it.

"Do you not share all my views and opinions? Do you not have nearly as much political knowledge as I have?" He looked at me as if he wanted to penetrate my mind somehow. I had once read a little bit in some book from Defence Against The Dark Arts at school on a kind of Arts called _Legilimency, _penetrating ones mind, but I had never thought it would be used against me. I wondered if Tom could do it, though I didn't really have to doubt about that. Tom could do almost anything, if he wanted it badly enough. I suspected being able to look into people's minds was something he very much wanted.

"I do" I reluctantly agreed, shifting uneasily. I felt his hands lift my hair off my neck and stroke it over my shoulder, to ease me, no doubt.

"I wouldn't still want you here if I didn't appreciate all these things in you" he said, turning my face to look at him. "And other things, as well' he added with a little grin.

Since I knew how difficult Tom was always finding it to express feelings, I should feel a little special about this, but I felt as if I was merely there to please him, to do something for him instead of being there for my own luck as well. Currently I could definitely identify myself with a concubine…

At that moment it would have been so much better had I just listened to my conscience and that inner voice I was trying so hard to ignore. But my heart spoke louder than them; it was telling me to stay. And at that very moment, I knew I would stay. My love for Tom made me blind to all reason and logic, even to my very own conscience that had never failed me before. So yes, I would be by Tom's side even if he was a little too radical for my liking. I trusted him, despite the nagging throb somewhere in the back of my head.

"Can I think about it? About all of this?" I could not help but ask. Tom, however, didn't appear very happy at this question; his face hardened and his eyes became darker than usual.

"Why, Eva? I thought you wanted to be with me?"

"I do, you know I do. But you know me; I always want to think over everything". This reply appeared to work, the simple fact that I was referring to my character instead of to his, making it sound like I was doubting myself rather than him.

"Yes, of course dear" he agreed, stroking a strand of hair out of my face. "You think about it for a while. Perhaps when I come back from Albania you will be able to make your decision. Now, I'd like you to go and put on something more suiting for the occasion". He gently pushed me off his lap, and it took me a few moments to lose the dizziness that occurred as my weight rested on my own legs again.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing now?". My gaze wandered down to my plain black dress. It wasn't the most expensive, or the most beautiful piece of clothing I owned, but it certainly wasn't hideous or unfashionable. And what did Tom really know about clothes? He was a man, after all.

"Nothing, dearest, nothing at all". He took my hand and placed a kiss upon it. "It is only so that my friends, you see, they have rather high expectations of you. I have dropped a hint or two to them, about you standing by my side as we will gain power".

"I don't understand…" I muttered, looking away from his demanding eyes. "What does that have to do with-"

"Everything" Tom interrupted me before I could finish talking. "You would not only be there, by my side, but you would play a role, Eva, they will look at you with nearly as much respect as they will look at me with. As they already do. "

The whole conversation suddenly sounded so ridiculous to me; it made me laugh. "Like I'd be their queen". Such a hilarious prospect; as if _I _would be capable of such guidance, such authority.

Tom's face, however, was as cold and as indefinable as always. Not a trace of amusement to be found there. "But you would be their queen" he said quietly.

My laughing ceased instantly. So he did mean it. There was nothing funny anymore about this reality; it was one terrible misunderstanding.

I supposed the shock on my face was all too evident, for Tom starting guiding me toward the stairs.

"You could use another word for it. You could be their… lady. The First Lady of the Wizard Society. Of the Purebloods. " He continued speaking quickly, not giving me time to respond to his words. Was he afraid I would protest? That wasn't an entirely unjustified worry, for everything in me wanted to scream and protest right now.

"Of course your appearance would have to suit your title. I'm certain you have some suitable clothes, dearest" he told me in his cold, distant voice. As I stood on the first step of the stairs, I turned around to face my lover again, and I was looking at him with as much confusion as I had the first time he showed interest in me.

"Go on then" Tom said lazily. "As long as you're ready in an hour. I will introduce you then".

It had been quite a while since I had felt this lonely. I wasn't one of these women that showed interest in nothing but fashion, but that did not mean it did nothing to me when my lover so openly disapproved of my appearance. It was therefore that I decided to greatly impress him tonight. I would give him no further reason to complain. At that moment I did not even think of the occasion I was dressing up _for_. The thought that Tom expected me to be some sort of queen or leading lady was as much frightening as it was ridiculous. In fact, it was so unbelievable I could not yet seriously worry about it. It was so much easier to worry about things such as an outfit.

How would I take a pick out of my quite expanded collection of dresses? I didn't know exactly what Tom expected or what in me he was looking for. As their queen, no matter how odd that word sounded, my looks would have to be slightly extravagant, at least nothing plain. Something that called for respect and appreciation. After a lot of doubting, I picked out a violet coloured dress; after all, purple meant royalty. It was long; something fit for a lady of the upper class, which was what Tom evidently expected of me. I didn't think I had ever worn the dress; supposedly it was one of the many gifts from Tom. After he had been away for missions, he always spoiled me tremendously. Perhaps that was his way of showing that he had missed me; he would certainly not show it with words and loving embraces.

After fitting on the dress I took a careful glance in the mirror. The chiffon material was a little too tight around the waist and revealed a bit too much cleavage for my liking, but overall the effect was not too bad. Upon studying my reflection I could even recognize an enticing young lady standing there in my place. A pair of diamond earrings and a few bejeweled hairpins to do my hair up completed this image. If Tom would be as content with the results as I was, then nothing could go wrong anymore tonight. All I had to do was sit besides Tom and listen to what was going on around me; so nothing arduous there.

Tom and I met in the hallway of the Manor before the meeting. To my great displeasure, I found him already surrounded by several of his friends I remembered from school. It wasn't them I minded, but I had hoped to get a moment alone with my boyfriend before we started.

"Eva, darling, don't you look stunning tonight". He didn't in the least appear to struggle with the same worries as I; clearly he had at least twice the amount of confidence I had.

"You will remember Antonin Dolohov and Tristan Avery from school" he continued, taking my hand and walking me over to them. "They have developed their talents well and managed to grow out to be two of my most reliable followers". I nodded, smiling kindly, and offered my hand to them. "How do you do?"

"And you two will remember my Eva" Tom redirected his attention to his friends.

"How could we ever forget such a charming smile?" Avery said immediately, pressing a kiss to my hand in a less than gentle way. Dolohov followed his example.

"And such a beautiful woman she has become, Tom, all you said was true". I felt colour rising up my cheeks. Their words sounded kind and flattering, but the look in their eyes; hungry and cruel, deceived them. It made me shiver, and I was glad Tom chose that moment to lay a possessive arm around my waist and guided me into the sitting room where the meeting would be held.

"It is time to start" he announced, taking a seat in the middle and gesturing me to sit down by his side. I complied, and watched more young men enter, some looking hardly of age, others looking much older than Tom and I. Not a single woman was amongst them.

"Friends and followers" he started, standing up. Immediately all traces of conversation died away by a steady decrescendo and the room fell silent. All eyes were directed on the leader.

"Before we start, I would like to introduce all of you to someone rather important". He took my hand and made me stand up. "Evita Foxworth, my partner, will now be joining us frequently. I expect you all to treat her with as much respect and honour as you would treat me with". A silence followed his words to let them sink in.

"Is this clear?"

One of the more daring young men lifted his hand, all eyes moving to him instantly, my own included.

"Yes?" Tom's eyes narrowed and his voice hardened; his annoyance upon being interrupted was very evident.

"My Lord" said the boy; the way he addressed Tom making me frown, "forgive me for my lack of manners, but what has the lady done to earn our respect?"

The look on my lover's face made it very clear that the poor boy had said the wrong thing entirely. A pity, because I kind of agreed with his statement. I had done nothing. How could Tom expect them to accept me just like that?

Before he had even opened his mouth to protest, I decided to interrupt the discussion. "He's right, you know".

And all eyes were on me. It made me nervous, but I wouldn't let it catch me off guard. If I was in this position after all, I did want to make the best of things. If I had to be their 'first lady' or whatever it would be called, a first impression was quite important.

"You all don't know me very well, but I assure you that if you are willing to give me a chance, I will do my best, the best I can, to help you and everyone else of the Pureblood society". I was quite impressed with my own words, perhaps I could really be good at this, just like Tom thought. Of course I was not yet aware what exactly would be expected of me, what 'the Cause', like they sometimes called it, was. Had I known it exactly, I would certainly not have shown such dedication…

My words were welcomed again with silence.

"You heard her" Tom said eventually, his mood indefinable. Perhaps he was not happy with my performance for it was always _he _who wished to be in control. On the other hand, he had said earlier that I was to play a role instead of just sit and look pretty.

At his sign, I regained my seat and tried not to look directly at all the curious faces in front of me. I did not want to be able to make out whether they looked angry and thought me an intruder, or whether they were just curious and perhaps a little impressed; if it was one of the two things, I found much more bliss in ignorance.

Tom continued the meeting as if nothing had happened, and I suppose that was really the end of the discussion. He expected them to do as he had said, or rather 'commanded'; respect me just like that. That the friendship between Tom and these guys was not entirely balanced was no news to me. Ever since the beginning I had known my boyfriend to be rather dominant with me, and I expected him to be no different with all the other people around him. The fact that therefore he was acting more like a leader to his friends was unsurprising.

Surprise took me a while later, when they started talking. I sat as if glued in my chair and daren't move as I heard them speak so openly of what I had long since feared; my lover was not only goal-driven and slightly radical, he was also a murderer…

Many voices were zooming through my head all at once, making it unable for me to understand the whole conversation. I understood the key points, nevertheless, from the connections I made between words like 'muggles', 'mudbloods', and 'killed'.

I could not bring myself to say more, even not when Tom glanced at me suspiciously once or twice. An objective outsider might call me naïve and ignorant, but for some things about your loved one you really had to close your eyes, if you wanted to remain standing. Deep down I had always known Tom would not refrain from taking lives when necessary for 'the Cause', but hearing it so plainly like everyday business was a completely different story. It made me sick, and when the meeting was over, I confronted Tom straight away.

"You kill people" I said, and this time it was _my _voice that sounded cold.

"Yes, I thought that would be a detail you would disapprove of". As if we were discussing the weather, he poured two new glasses of wine.

"How dare you!" I cried, throwing the glass I was offered against the wall. When we watched the red wine drip slowly down the wall we were both silent. My yells were echoing off the Manor's many walls. An uneasy, ominous feeling crept up my spine and for a moment, I thought that would be my ending too here tonight: blood against the wall, the rest shattered.

I closed my eyes to take my fear away and held my breath almost until it hurt. When my body forced me to suck in a breath eventually, I re-opened m eyes. All was still the same, yet my life would never be. How could I not have noticed the hell I had brought upon myself years ago? If only I had listened to my brother, then perhaps I could have prevented this. The most frightening thing really was that I was aware I could now not leave anymore if I wanted to; I was in too deep. Way too deep.

"Why don't you talk to me!" I cried, hot tears of anger and fear running down my face. I hated how he could remain so calm: it increased my anger _and _my fear.

"Come, I suggest we go to sleep and forget this all. After a good night's sleep you will find everything much easier to understand".

"No". I said, now much quieter, my voice sounding rather hoarse. "You want to kill me too, don't you?" If it was going to end for me as well, I might as well step up and be more assertive than I had ever been.

"Eva… Evita". He took my hands in his and pulled me closer. "Don't be like this, will you? You know what is necessary for the Cause sometimes. We cannot let vermin pollute our society when there are ways to get rid of it. But you have nothing to fear, my love. I never hurt ones unless they are in my way".

I wondered just when he would consider someone _in his way, _because the way I was thinking now…

Never before had I missed my family more than I did now. "Please, leave me alone…" I walked backwards toward the staircase, tears still streaming down my face. I did not know what was worse; the fact that my boyfriend was a murderer, or that he was so cold and careless about it.

As soon as I was in the secluded, safe environment of my chambers, I sunk down the wall and held my head in my hands. The tears were no longer flooding, but my pain was still there. How could I go on now, when all hopes of a happy ending for me were gone? It seemed like I eventually would have to choose between my conscience, and my love...


	6. Last Goodbye

**Chapter Six**

In the days following my outburst with Tom, I had started to feel like a prisoner in my own house. Suddenly it was a blessing Tom locked himself up to work so often, for then I need not face him. In fact, I had hardly had a chance t speak to him at all since the night of the meeting. Not that I would know what t say…

Part of me was furious at the things he did and had kept hidden from me, but the other part was deeply frightened. Not only was I living with a murderer, I was also in love with one.

A week after the incident I was in my bedroom preparing for the night when I suddenly caught his reflection through the mirror.

"How long have you been standing there?"

Lovers or not, I was no fan of voyeurism. Goosebumps were creeping up my flesh. I was afraid of Tom. I don't know how often I had stood with my hand on the doorknob in the past few days, intending to leave him and this life here behind. I found that I could not, though. Where on earth would I go? I had realized, then, that I did not only love Tom, but also depended on him. I had never had much friends at Hogwarts since my parents died, and the few I had had left were gone now too. I never saw them anymore. Tom disapproved of them. He said they were too ordinary for me, or had a too different lifestyle. I disagreed, but nevertheless let him keep me from seeing them. So there was little chance of me turning to them for help now. The only option I had left was my brother, but I had neglected Julian too. Before I moved into Riddle Manor I had promised to visit him often. Now I realized in shame that I had not seen him for over six weeks.

"Long enough to see you troubled, my dear".

He came further into the room, resting his hands on my shoulders. It made me shiver involuntarily.

"Don't worry. I only came to say goodbye".

"Goodbye?"

A shock went through me. I turned around to face him when his reflection was no longer enough. Had his eyes always been this black? This cold?

"I leave for my trip to Albania early tomorrow morning. Don't tell me you've forgotten?"

Of course I had. As if I had been able to think of ordinary things the past week.

"I figured it was quite an appropriate timing. This should give you some more time to think about everything".

Was this it? Was this all he had to say on the subject that had made me so very upset?

"I don't believe it's only me who's got to think about things, Tom" I protested weakly.

I wished I were stronger. I would have screamed at him and showed him how angry I was. But I had not forgotten that he was a murderer. I feared if I raised my voice he would turn me into one of his victims without hesitation.

"I understand this is all a bit difficult for you, and sudden".

His voice sounded much sweeter now. He knew just how to ease me. With just the right words and the right touches. But how could I close my eyes for what I knew now?

"A bit, Tom?"

I turned my head away, unable to bear his cold eyes piercing into my soul again.

Roughly his fingers found my chin, forcing me to look up at him. Yet his expression was as calm as always.

"I have had so much patience with you, Eva. I've given you a lot of time already now, and I'm going to give you another week. I would have thought that to be enough…"

The tone of his voice was as cold as his eyes, chilling me. His grip on my chin was painful. It made me wince and caused tears to stream down my face, but I could not speak until he let go of me. When he did, he took a step back. To give me some space, or perhaps he felt he had gone too far now.

"Don't hurt me" I whimpered.

"I won't anymore now. I had to make you see reason. I am always very considerate with you. I take care of you. I buy you the most expensive dresses and jewels. What has caused this sudden change?"

"Because, Tom! Don't you understand last week changed everything? I've become afraid of you!"

I burst into tears as I said it. I wish I had never found out. Oblivion was much better than having to fear my only love.

He took me in his arms as if I were a child. Momentarily I struggled, but lack of sleep for days on end had made me weaker. Eventually I allowed him to carry me to the bed, surrendering myself to his kisses.

"My dear girl, did you think me capable of hurting you?"

How could I not? He had not denied he had killed. If he could kill innocent muggles and muggleborns, why would he spare me? I told him this exactly, and he chuckled.

"I wish you would have told me this sooner. I could have eased your worries right away. It is true that I have gone rather far for the cause sometimes. But I do that for you, Eva. For us".

He tipped my head back slightly and kissed me hungrily. Apparently the subject I had been so worried about was not of high value to him. I desperately wanted to believe him, but my intuition told me otherwise. Tom's character was unpredictable and dominant. Who said he would not turn against me if I crossed him by accident?

"the men were all pleased with you. You would make a fantastic queen, darling".

He was trying to distract me again, and it took all my mind's strength not to let him. Not this time.

"Don't change the subject".

He brought my hand to his lips and kissed my fingers.

"You do not reach the top by being nice to everyone. Every leader has got to make sacrifices. You will see that some day, some day soon, it will pay off".

But what then?, I thought silently. How far would Tm go for power? I wondered if he would ever stop. He always wanted more and then still more. In a way it was fantastic to be with a man with such willpower. He always knew what to do and how to do it. We were never bored. It was only now I was beginning to see the risk of that side of his.

"Promise me you will use the coming week to think about everything? To realize how much I want you to be by my side?"

He brushed my hair aside and nibbled on my earlobe. I closed my eyes and nodded. He had done it again. But not completely. I wanted something in return.

"Then I want to visit Julian tomorrow".

It felt as if I had to ask permission to see my own brother, and that was a terrible feeling. Julian was always a touchy subject. Tom had never liked him and whenever I wanted to visit my brother I felt I had to justify myself. Now, too, my lover's face fell as soon as I mentioned him.

"I'm not sure if that is such a good idea, Eva. You know how I feel about that".

"But why, Tom? I haven't seen him for weeks!"

"And not without reason".

Tom's hands had frozen for a moment, but now they continued their teasing and caressing. Of course I knew his attentions had a purpose. His very purpose was to set my heart on fire so my brain would become numb. It was working, much more than I would have liked. My insight in his character was my weapon as well as my Achilles heel. It made me very sad to recognize in Tom sometimes the spoiled boy that could bend me to his very will. Part of me loved that boy. Yet I could not let him go too far. He may be possessive, but he could never take away my love and memories of my only living relative. I had to play this carefully now.

"I know you don't like Julian".

"This has nothing to do with like or dislike. Julian is not good for you right now. You're very easily influenced and you can't have that now. I want you to think about my offer objectively".

The offer he spoke of seemed hardly an offer to me. I doubted he would appreciate it if I refused, and I did not even want to think of how he would respond.

"You do ask a lot of me, Tom. All I want is an hour with Julian. I promise you I won't even mention politics".

It was best to handle it lightly. It was sad I had to beg for an hour away, but I would worry about that later. Right now the most important thing was that I would get to Julian and get my worries of Tom and our relationship off my chest.

"I understand, love, but best not. I want you to take some rest, and think about it by yourself right now. Surely your brother can wait a little longer. You may send him a letter, if you must".

If I must, I thought bitterly. I most certainly must speak to Julian, but not through a letter. If Tom was not going to let me visit him, then I would have to do it the hard way. The secret way.

I pretended to be still the obedient girl my lover expected me to be. I agreed with what he said and made love to him that night.

After Tom's departure to Albania I took my chance. Within an hour I was on the doorstep of my old house. It was a Saturday, so Julian should be home. If I wasn't, I would no doubt be thoroughly disappointed. This might be my only chance in a long time.

When Julian opened at last, I surprised myself at how emotional I was. I immediately jumped in his arms, breathing in the nearly forgotten scent of his skin.

"Oh, Julian!" I cried. "I'm so sorry. I should have come sooner, I know I should have!"

I was so full of guilt. It was a mystery to me how I could have let Tom dominate me so. It would be all my fault if my brother would decide he never wanted to see me again.

Fortunately, he embraced me as warmly as I did him. He buried his head in my shoulder.

"Eva" he murmured, "Evie, darling, it's all right now".

The weight of the world fell off my shoulders. Willingly I let him guide me to the living room and sat down on the sofa.

"Tea?"

I shook my head. No time to be wasted. I caught myself being anxious the whole time. What if Tom would find out some way? I had the feeling I was being watched, but tried to tell myself that was just my paranoia.

Julian knew me. He knew me through and through and could tell when something was wrong. Right now, something was very wrong.

"Is it Tom?" he immediately hit home, disappearing into the kitchen to make tea, anyway.

"How do you know?"

I followed him into the kitchen, if only to have something to do. Sitting around doing nothing had never been my style.

"It's always Tom".

That was true. We had been very full of grief when our parents died, but had gotten along well together. The only trouble we had ever had started around the time I fell in love with Tom.

"There's nothing wrong with me and Tom" I lied. Julian's negative attitude toward my love upset me. It was ironic how I had come here to complain, but was now defending him.

"Then why have you stayed away from me for so long?"

Clearly he could see his words were painful to me, for he quickly continued.

"It's fine, Evie, but you can't tell me it was because you didn't feel like visiting me. Where is Tom, anyway? If he cares so much you'd think he would at least visit your family once in a while".

Once again I could not deny this. I would have liked Tom and Julian to get along. It would be even better if Julian would find himself a wife too. Then we would be able to be a real family. We'd have dinners together, perhaps even go on a joined holiday in summer. It was an idyllic plan I feared would never become reality. Tom was not the kind of man that enjoyed such ordinary things. He was more than happy with his magic and politics and those secret meetings with friends. I had been all right with that. For years I had gladly conformed to his will and been proud that someone like him had picked me and loved me. Lately I was beginning to wonder if this was enough. If I could live with a man who barely cared for what I wanted.

"He's busy".

"With what?" Julian snorted.

"Just, politics. You know the drill. He's really rising in power now".

"Evie, listen". He took my hands and squeezed them painfully tight. The tea was all forgotten. My brother's worry for me was endearing, if not a little unnerving. Especially the words that followed.

"I've heard things in town. Tom is talked of, a lot. I haven't been able to find out much details, but what I did hear was not good. I suspect him to be dangerous and up to no good at all. Get away while you still can, sis. Don't tell me this is all new to you".

"Non sense" I murmured, though I could tell by the look in Julian's eyes that he was desperate and really not just saying something. I felt a shiver run down my spine.

"I can help you" he continued. Most likely he had recognized my hesitation.

"Why don't you move back in? It'll be like old times sake. You could cook for me while I worked. I'll finally get something healthy to eat again" he grinned.

I couldn't smile about it, though the offer was undoubtedly sweet. I could see myself living that life again. At Riddle Manor I had very few things to do. We had house elves for everything. Tom didn't want me to behave like a housewife and do everything. He couldn't seem to imagine that certain 'housewife tasks' were appealing to me.

The point was that Julian could not accept Tom was a part of me. If he couldn't even grasp that, then how could he fully accept me?

"I think I should go now".

Full of sadness I rose from my seat. This visit had not been what I had hoped. I had intended to find some objective support. I loved Tom, despite everything. He had his faults, but that did not mean I liked to hear other people accuse him of being dangerous. Certainly not if those other people were my only family.

"I didn't mean it like that! I was just so glad you came!"

"So was I, but not like this. You've never liked Tom, but you need to see that I am with him now. I have my own life now. The time I listened to you is over".

I could see the pain in his eyes, but I felt I had to be strong now. Little did I realize Tom already had a grip on me. The old me would never have hurt anyone like this or in any other way.

The new me would feel guilty about this forever.

That day was the last time I ever saw my brother. Later that week I got a letter saying our house burned down. With Julian in it.


	7. True Colors

**Chapter Seven**

I opened my eyes and was surrounded by darkness. Where was I? To my great dismay, it felt as if every possible bone in my body was broken. Even my head throbbed painfully. My hands tried to search for a clue about where I was, only they were stopped immediately by a tightly bound rope around my wrists.

My eyes adjusted to the darkness quickly, allowing me to recognize the rom. It was the basement of Riddle Manor. I was captured in my own home.

Barely had I recovered from the first shock when I was confronted with another: I was not alone here.

From behind the bars of my cell he was staring at me, as terrifyingly calm as always. His eyes frightened me more than ever, and I was wondering why my mind was all blank. Each time I tried to remember anything, my head ache increased. Perhaps he had sedated me.

"Finally awake, are you?"

Tom.

"I've been waiting for you to come to. How are you feeling?"

I did not reply. I still felt so disoriented I didn't know if I could, if I wanted to.

"You don't have to speak. I imagine you're in quite some pain. Do you remember anything? I expect you don't, you hit your head rather hard. I believe it is called anterograde amnesia: the inability to remember anything before a certain accident. But don't worry, love, most likely it will come back to you very soon. In fact, I am surprised it has not come back yet as we speak".

I did not remember anything about an accident, but what I did know was that Tom's presence was unnerving me.

He just chuckled. I saw the look in his eyes, and suddenly it hit me. He must have noticed it too, for his grin widened.

"Ah, there it is".

_The moment I received that letter about Julian's death, I knew this was no coincidence. My secret visit, the feeling I was being watched… I should have understood it then. I should have done something to prevent it. Anything._

_Tom did not even deny it the moment I confronted him. His confession cut into my heart like a thousand knives._

_"You left me no choice, dear. He was distracting you and putting strange thoughts into your head"._

_At that moment something happened to me. A rage so strong it brought me in a daze took me over._

_"How dare you!" I screamed. "You're insane! Completely insane! "._

_Hot tears ran down my face. I was so frightened. Not only I feared Tom, but myself as well. When I threw myself at him with the almost carnal desire to hurt him in any way possible, I knew for sure I had lost all control. I did not care about anything anymore, as long as I could scratch his eyes out, or kick him._

_Unfortunately, Tom was stronger. Despite my adrenaline rush he quickly got hold of me._

_"I think it is time for you to calm down now, dear"._

_He snapped his fingers and within moments his friends Avery and Nott appeared from out of thin air. It was almost as if they had been waiting around the corner to be called._

_"Take the lady downstairs" Tom instructed them. "She's not taking it very well"._

_"How dare you, Tom!" I screamed again. "I will not! Let go of me!"._

_Again, I struggled against Tom's firm grip. I could only think f one thing, and that was to get out of here, before it was too late for me too._

_Then to my great fury I felt a needle sink into my arm. I was not going to give up that easily. When Nott and Avery took hold of me I did my best to hurt them. I fought against the upcoming sleep: a result of whatever medicine they put inside of me._

_It was only when they threw me in a cell that I hit my head hard I lost consciousness. And with that I had realized I had lost the battle._

"Why?" I screamed when I had taken in my memories. Despite my bound wrists, I did my best to crawl away from Tom. What upset me the most was him acting like this was an ordinary day.

He unlocked my cell door and stepped inside, kneeling down by me.

"I am sorry I had to take such measures, but it was necessary. Some day you will see that".

I doubted that, and roughly turned my head away when he wanted to kiss me. He didn't understand. Tom would never understand what a family bond could be like.

Angry at being rejected, he turned my head back and sharply pulled my hair to bend it toward him.

"I don't think you quite got it, Eva. This is no game. I let you in this far. I recognized your abilities from the start and am willing to allow you to be my queen. We have wonderful potential together".

His grip on my hair was painful, for my head had been sensitive already from when Nott and Avery smacked it against the floor. It was easier to concentrate on the pain than on Tom's words, though what he said next sank in very well.

"Time to think is running short now, love".

I winced when he brought my face even closer to his. I could feel his breath against my skin.

"Either you join me completely, with no more of this drama, but with all the riches and success you can think of, or you don't. I cannot help it if you refuse, but I must assure you that in that case you will meet your brother again much sooner than necessary. You know too much to walk out now".

A shiver ran down my spine, yet I did not doubt the truth in his words. Tom had killed people before. He would not hesitate to do it again. The little hope I had had left about him loving me was all gone.

A man capable of these horrors did now know what love was. Perhaps he cared about me in some way, but not my feelings. He cared about the idea f us, about his power play. My heart sank, for I knew no way out anymore.

"You give it a last thought. When I return, I demand an answer".

When I heard the door lock and his footsteps fade, I realized I was alone. The only person I had been able to turn to for help, was dead.

By now I was fully conscious, so I could no longer escape into the world of sweet oblivion. I had never felt so alone before. There was no one that could advice me. My love for Tom had been my downfall. When –or if- he came back I was going to tell him I would rather die than join him in racist business like this. At least dead I would not be so alone anymore. I would see Julian again, and my mother and father. There was no day I did not miss them, and think of them.

Momentarily I imagined I would let Tom kill me. No more inner conflict, no more grief for my relatives. I smiled and slumped against the wall to rest my exhausted body.

My peace of mind did not last very long. I could tell the difference between day and night by a tiny window in the basement door that showed streaks of light from upstairs. As it got dark, something in me snapped. How dare I give up this easily! My family would turn in their graves if they knew. I was the only one still alive, so I should do something to keep it that way.

I did not think I would ever be able to trust Tom again. As I thought again of how badly he had betrayed me, I became all cold inside and a new wave of hysteria hit me. The tiny cell took my breath away. I screamed, begged and cried to be released, but no reply came. When I was so upset, I could no longer think rationally I thought perhaps it was Tom's intention to let me starve to death here. Of course that only made everything worse.

The night passed, and still no one came to see me. My screams had faded through the night as my voice got hoarse. My mind had become numb to primal signs like hunger and cold.

By the second day, my willpower changed. My throat was so dry I could not scream anymore and I was weakened by hunger. Tom got what he wanted. First he killed my only brother and now he had broken my will by starving me in a claustrophobic cell.

When by the third day he had still not returned, I was convinced he would never. This was his punishment for my disloyalty.

If he would only return, I decided I would choose to survive. My family would want me to. In a duel I would never stand a chance, so I would have to do it differently. I didn't have a choice but to become his queen. Just not the way he had in mind. As his queen, I would do my best to keep Tom from doing worse than he already had done. As much as I could, I would protect people and make the best of such a task. Such thoughts made it all a little easier. I sank down on the floor and did nothing to stop the sleep that was coming to get me. When I next opened my eyes, I was no longer alone.

"You were far away, weren't you?"

Tom. He was holding me in his arms and spoke so friendly. But I now knew what he was really like.

"Have you been thinking?"

I nodded. Right now I still had the option of saying no to what he wanted me to do. Perhaps he would kill me quickly, without too much pain. It would be easy, but no. I had a mission and would not choose the easy way out.

With the little strength I had left, I smiled as a sign of consent. Tom had won.

When he realized this, he was suddenly quite the gentleman again. I was immediately released from my cell, my hands untied, and carried upstairs by him.

"I assure you, you will not regret this, Eva" he whispered into my ear while he ran me a bath. Everything was done to ease my discomfort. A house elf had been ordered to bring me water and wine, as well as my favorite dish. Yet another was sent for clean, warm clothes. Tom himself acted as if he had just saved me from something that was not his own doing. He held me securely and helped me get into the bath when it was ready.

I was too exhausted to do or say much. While the water was lovely, I found I could not completely relax with Tom there. No wonder…

"You don't have to stay the whole time" I tried.

He just smiled and sat on the edge of the tub, running his fingers through my wet hair.

"I'll stay for now. I would not want my Queen doing anything silly".

So I had to be careful. He did not trust me yet, not even my intentions. I would have to make sure he did not find out my heart was not in this. I could never let my attention slack.

The next day when I had eaten and slept well in a warm bed, I was finally able to think reasonably again. The first thing that hit me in the morning was Julian. The grief was still so new that it took my breath away. I cried before going down to breakfast with Tom, but not too long. He surely would not approve of more drama, as he called it. Yet if I wanted to go on with my decision, I had to come at peace with myself first. I would have to go to my brother's funeral. Only then I would be able to say goodbye and apologize to him.

Tom was having breakfast served as usual. As if life was just going on as usual.

"Good morning, Eva" he greeted me.

"Good morning".

I sat down, my hands in my lap so he would not see them trembling.

"I want to go to Julian's funeral. I know how you feel, and what you said, but you must let me do this. I can only feel truly connected with you if you let me say goodbye".

That explanation had clearly been the right one. Tom's reply surprised me.

"Very well, dear. I had expected the request already. You may go, of course".

I was childishly happy that I had at least gotten permission for this, but what I did not know was that the whole funeral would be a test of my loyalty…


End file.
